Overcoming fear of abandonment
Parents mean a great value to children in their toddler stage. The love, care and affection instills value and great self esteem into their lives. Their minds develop knowing they are of great value and they do matter to the world they live in. Anything otherwise means uncertainties and defective minds hence a sense they are worthless which creates them a small world in their heads. They start to believe that they will never be as beautiful or talented as a particular someone they might consider an idol.
How it begins?
Children are slightly more sensitive at the toddler stage than the adult stage. They notice those small details you may overlook on the average day. Parents’ failure to keep around them for a big part of the day creates slight detachment on their part. Parental prioritizing work, pets, siblings over them could lead to a feeling of abandonment.
This feeling grows into their character that they develop doubts about themselves because they didn’t get enough encouragement when they were still young.
Parental pressure to keep up with school, sports can also lead to the feeling of abandonment. Some parents feel the need to pile the pressure unto their children with beliefs it is for their own benefit. This in turn creates a hunger within the child even when the parents are out of the picture, to keep up to standards set prior.
How it affects them?
Abandonment has a spiral effect on the relationships built overtime as their insecurities in the past re-incarnate in the friendships and affairs they develop at the adult stage. The cloud of insecurity and low self esteem takes over that these start to envision imperfections of themselves around their partners, expecting too much from their friends and partners.
How do you stop it?
Fear of abandonment is a chronic problem that will certainly put a strain on your relationships simply due to your defective character. The good news however is that they are a few steps you could take to keep it at bay.
- Accept yourself; all the feelings that linger are humane and know that there is more to you than what your partner or friend thinks of you. Once you punch this in, you won’t find the need to fear people walking out on you.
- Find some self reliance; the fear pushes many to depend a lot on other people than usually necessary. Finding a new side of your capabilities will build you a great feeling of value for the person you are.
- Keep alert and find the signs when you feel that way; knowing the mirror image will give you a little insight when you going off the rails and in turn you could control it just in time. Find those little acts when the fear takes over and keep alert so that you don’t go overboard.
- Be your own keeper; find it in yourself to calm yourself even when it all seems to be going wrong. Ideally it is the hardest thing to do but self training will build you some self value and in a while you will start to value your life a little bit more than before.
- Face your demons; sometimes finding answers may help. Find out why your parents or caretakers did what they did, it will help piece together why you feel the way you do. Talk to a shrink, it may even turn out to be a worthless reason after all.